The Walking Ted 2: Dawn of the Ted
by Emily Baudelaire
Summary: When a new strain of zombies breaks out, much more powerful than the last and accompanied by bloodthirsty hybrid creatures, the gang must reenter the dangerous territory of the monsters once and for all to take them down and restore humanity as we know it, meanwhile dealing with something worse than the zombies themselves- their own parents, who have now formed a survival team.
1. Privacy?

The gang had not ventured outside for months. At first, this didn't seem to be much of a bad thing- but at eight months in, practically a full year of being cooped up indoors, the circumstance was beginning to wear on everyone a little.

Granted, there were days when some had been courageous enough to venture outdoors, namely James, Cindy, Lily, and even once Barney, searching for enough food to sustain them all when it seemed to be running scarce, but any food other than the cans and packages that Barney had stored for them seemed to be difficult to find.

Additionally, the weather was beginning to grow cold, being that it was now early November, making it more difficult to last long outside of the shelter. Inside of the shelter, as could be expected, temperaments were growing shorter than they used to as the slight claustrophobic anger began to set in for everyone- what Ted had referred to formally as "The Box Theory", which no one could verify the existence or accuracy of.

The cherry on top of this disaster sundae was the fact that both Lily and Robin were pregnant- Robin at a staggering and awkward 8 months in and Lily at a less debilitating but still not exactly convenient 3- and the women were, as could be expected, not in their best moods, particularly Robin.

Yet another aspect sparking frustration on the growing list was the lack of privacy for all couples- Barney and Robin, Marshall and Lily, and Tracy and Ted, who would all, at this point, have given their first borns for some alone time with just themselves and their significant other.

In the crowded shelter they were at, this was an obvious problem. Bedrooms were something there were only two of, bathrooms one, and anything in between was perpetually occupied by someone else.

This issue wore on Barney, digging into him daily like a nail being slowly driven into wood. Every time he so much as looked at Robin- every time- he was overtaken by a combination of longing, love, and all too many times, lust, that wasn't easy to take care of.

"Hey, Robin," he had told her. "Why don't we...go into the kitchen for a couple minutes?"

Before they could get up, someone else would enter the kitchen, and Barney would wait until later to ask again.

Then, later on, they would be on the bed, passionately making out, about to finally cross the boundary that led beyond that point, when, once again, the door would open and someone would walk in- more often than not, Patrice.

They would pull themselves off of each other, frozen like deer in the headlights, while Barney would straighten out his shirt and act like nothing was happening the moment she'd intruded.

"Hey, Patrice," he'd greet her, wiping off the traces of lip gloss Robin would leave on his lips. "This isn't- it's not what it looks like," he'd lie, though he knew fully well that it _was_ what it looked like.

Patrice would smile and say, "Oh, that's okay, I'm so sorry for interrupting, I'll leave you two lovers alone!", right before Robin would scream at her, "Yeah you'd better leave us alone, Patrice!"

This continued on- daily- to the point where neither Barney and Robin could stand it anymore. But what were they to do? It wasn't like they could just eke out their own private space; that obviously couldn't happen. Or could it?

* * *

It was a cold, calm November night. Barney and Ted had indulged themselves earlier in a drinking game, appropriately named "How many times today will Marshall complain about Lily being pregnant" (as this was something he had, for some reason, been doing a lot lately.) So far, today's count had been seven times, possibly a record for him, and seven shots too many for the easily intoxicated Ted and Barney as well.

By the end of the night, Ted had fallen asleep in a tipsy, idiotic stupor on the couch, and the rest of the gang was asleep not long after.

Barney knew this, and fortunately, he was still just sober enough to remember what he planned to do. Quietly, he tiptoed through the rooms- before drunkenly tripping over a coffee table and stopping himself from falling onto Cindy, and Dagger, who was curled up next to her, both asleep in the middle of the floor- and made his way to where Robin was sleeping, which, tonight, was in their bedroom.

"Psst! Robin!" he whispered.

She rolled over. "What?" she asked sleepily, rubbing one eye.

"I got a great idea," Barney answered, slurring on his words a bit. "Come on." It took some persistence (and physical help from Barney) to get Robin out of bed, but in due time, he had succeeded. Using the stairs, he led her up and out into the bitingly cold night air.

"Barney, what are you doing?" she questioned.

He undid his tie and unbuttoned his shirt down the middle, ignoring the cold that beat on his bare chest. He said only one word: "Privacy."

Robin, though still in the grasps of sleep, was entirely ready for a go herself. "Oh, finally!" she said, grabbing Barney's head and pulling him up to her, entangling her fingers in his soft, fluffy blond hair.

She kissed him aggressively, and he did the same, their short, shallow breaths billowing out visible clouds of warmth in the freezing night air. He'd always said that making out with a pregnant woman would be gross, but never once had he considered that the pregnant lady in question would be Robin, and furthermore that she would be his wife- he hadn't even expected he would ever _have_ a wife.

Somehow, strangely enough, it made her even hotter- the tightness of her shirt fitting the form of her body, accentuating the more visible curves it had tacked on to her previously very thin figure, teasing Barney in a way that only upped his desire for her even more.

He pushed his body up to Robin's, wrapping his legs around her as he pinned her up to an old electrical pole, sliding up her shirt as he did so. Their chests were pressed directly against each other's now, radiating warmth amidst the night's bitterness.

Their scene of lovemaking, fortunately, lasted for a little while. It was a sound close by that broke them apart eventually, much to Barney's chagrin.

They dressed quickly afterward, paying mind to the frigid air and their bare bodies, but nevertheless, the private time had been very satisfying to them. So far, there had not been any zombie sightings, but that scuttling noise nearby, the noise of a rather large rat scuttling over pavement, caused them both to do a quick turn.

"We should, uh, go back downstairs," Barney suggested, stifling a hiccup, then added, "we're unprotected. God only knows how dangerous this place still is…"

To Robin, everything looked okay, at least at the moment, but she was tired, and their affair had been finished. Yawning, she agreed with Barney, and they headed downstairs.

* * *

The following morning, Barney had awakened with a headache and a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, combing down a few messy strands of sleep-ruffled hair before realizing that he had, by some odd coincidence, fallen asleep on the kitchen floor.

Standing up, disoriented, he accidentally knocked into Tracy, who was busy preparing breakfast.

"Oh, morning sleepyhead!" she greeted him cheerily. "Someone had quite the party last night, didn't they?"

Barney tiredly scratched his back. "Yeah. A little too much of the party." He began searching around for aspirin, before waking up enough to realize that medicine was not something they had been blessed with for about a year now. He cursed to himself, then changed the subject to distract himself from the pain.

"So, Trace, what's cooking this morning?" he asked.

"Well, for starters, pigeon eggs." she replied, Barney grimacing a little in disgust.

"Ugh. And?"

"Hey, don't be so picky," Tracy retorted playfully. "There's coffee too."

After pouring himself a cup, he sat down on the couch next to Ted, who was once again watching the television with great interest. Sandy Rivers was still reporting.

"In related news today, it appears that the zombie crisis is seeing a new face- a new, possibly two-headed face! Reports from all over the country are claiming the existence of two-headers, which evidently are-" Just then, Sandy was cut short and the familiar growling of a zombie could be heard onscreen. The last thing that could be seen was the quick-moving figure of something very large and hideously mutated before the camera was dropped with an unsettling thud to the ground, eliciting only static.

Barney, in shock, dropped his cup to the floor, coincidentally the same moment his jaw dropped. He exchanged looks with Ted, who had an equally stunned expression on his face.

"Ted...we're in trouble," Barney stated.


	2. The Inevitable Eviction

Barney and Ted were still reeling when Tracy walked in, plate of scrambled eggs in hand.

"What are you guys up to?" she asked, with the naivete of a child.

It was in that moment that the two were faced with a particularly difficult dilemma- should they be honest with her and admit what was going on just feet above ground, or should they keep it a carefully veiled secret? Would revealing that info only send everyone into a further panic? The familiar telekinetic-like abilities they possessed as best friends kicked into full gear just then as they exchanged glances.

_Dude, should we tell her? _Ted asked.

_No, of course not! B_arney responded, eyebrow raised. _No one should know about this, Ted. It's gotta be our dirty little secret._

Ted focused on his friend, his brown eyes stern and gaze unwavering. _Yeah, but I don't know, I really feel like I should be honest with her on this one, especially since, you know, it could potentially END HER LIFE!_

_Chill! _Barney snapped, eyes widening. _If she doesn't go up there, she'll be okay! Problem solved!_

"Guys?" Tracy's voice suddenly broke the chain of corresponding thoughts they had going. "Um...helloo, earth to Ted and Barney! Yoo-hoo!" She clapped her hands to grab their attention, and it became apparent that they had been staring at each other mindlessly for the last two minutes or so.

They pulled apart and filled separate spaces away from each other on the cushions, Barney pressing his fingers together awkwardly for a second as he looked up at Tracy, trying to develop an explanation that did not make it sound like he and Ted had randomly fallen in love with each other.

"Hi, Tracy!" he greeted her eagerly, widely grinning. "We were just talking about…"

"Airplanes," Ted blurted out. "Yeah. Airplanes. The Wright brothers, am I right? Haha! Ha!" he laughed forcedly, then elbowed Barney.

Tracy shot them perplexed looks. "Right. Um...are you guys okay?"

Ted nodded. "Oh yeah, totally!"

"Absofrutely!" Barney added. "Hehe, two heads are better than one, am I right?" He then realized what he had said. "Not...two-headed zombies though!"

Tracy had already caught their drift. "You guys know something I don't, don't you?"

Before they could answer, Robin entered the room. She stopped at the doorway and stood still, deeply inhaling the air. "Oh God that smells delicious," she breathed out.

"Pigeon eggs, go help yourself," Tracy offered. As the starving Robin eagerly headed into the kitchen, Tracy sat down next to Barney and took his hand gently in hers, the way a mother would commonly do if they were asking their child if he or she broke their favorite vase.

She stared deep into his worried, ocean blue eyes.

"Barney," she said quietly. "I don't want Robin to get freaked out, but do you know something I don't?"

Barney opened his mouth to speak, but just then, a bloodcurdling shriek pierced the stillness of the room.

Lily.

The others were at her room in an instant.

"Lily!" Ted cried, frantically jostling the doorknob. "Stand back! I'm coming!" Using every ounce of strength in his body, he rammed himself into the door, breaking it down and falling to the floor, but when he picked himself up, he was surprised at what he saw.

Lily angrily was hacking and slashing at the body of one of the creatures with her hatchet, blood droplets splattering everywhere. When she was certain it was finished off, she brushed the hair out of her eyes.

"Oh hey guys, I uh, didn't see you there!" She slung the weapon over her shoulder as the others stared in shock.

Marshall was hiding behind the chair in the corner of the room..

A few seconds later, Robin entered. "Hey, what did I miss?" she asked nonchalantly, finishing off the last scrap of egg on her plate.

"Intervention. Now," Ted declared.

* * *

It took a little while to gather everyone up, but once they were all in the same place, the intervention began, complete with the familiar banner, now repainted in a combination of fresh paint and some blood.

"Okay, so the cat's gotta come out of the bag," Ted began. "I'm just gonna go ahead and say it." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "The zombies have mutated."

"What do mean 'mutated?'" Tracy asked.

"I mean they're no longer just regular zombie," Ted answered. "No, they're worse. These, my friends, are hellspawns, crafted by the Devil himself." He looked off dramatically and took a swig of room-temperature scotch. "Didn't anyone see the thing that Lily killed back there? That's what we're up against now."

"Ted, um, yeah, I really hope you're wrong on this one," Robin spoke up, in her 'if-you're-serious-I-will-strangle-you-with-my-bare-hands" tone of voice. "Keep in mind that there is a certain 8-months pregnant lady in this group who is very easily prone to sudden bouts of anger ever since said pregnancy, and...who may not take too kindly to knowing that her life is even more at stake now." Robin placed a hand on her very visibly pregnant belly to stress what she had just said.

"Hey, it's not like I even knew this until before today!" Ted defended. "It's just that, this morning, Barney and I saw Sandy Rivers very possibly get murdered on live television by one of the creatures, and I thought I should tell you all! No big deal!"

Naturally, Ted's explanation only resulted in shocked looks and gasps from everyone else. Marshall gulped, before choking out the words "you s-saw Sandy Rivers get murdered on TV, Ted?"

Barney spoke up. "Well, we don't know if...he died. But...I think maybe we should assume he died? You know, just to be safe?"

"Look, I don't want you guys to panic, okay?" Ted cut in. "We've been good so far, right? If we stay in a group and we stay down here, then we'll be just fine, see, problem solved!"

"Problem not solved!" Lily interjected. "Ted, if these monsters have any way of getting down here, like that one did, then I can guarantee you they will! That wasn't a fluke, and as much as I hate saying this, I really don't think that 'here' is safe anymore."

There were a few seconds of pure silence in the room as the gang tried to figure out what to do. Lily did have a point- if that zombie had somehow broken in, there would no doubt be more coming. But where else could they go?

"Guys, whoa, slow your roll there!" Barney finally said. "We don't need to go anywhere, I mean, have you forgotten that this place is basically a Stinson emergency bomb shelter? If there's one guaranteed safe spot in the world, clearly it's here."

Ted stared at him. "Except for the zombie that broke in."

Barney scoffed. "Psh! That was a coincidence!"

"Was not a coincidence," Ted corrected, shaking his head.

"Was, Ted."

"Was not."

"Was."

Robin angrily interjected by yelling "For the love of God, whether or not it was coincidence doesn't matter, the point is, here is not as safe as we thought it was, Barney!"

Being that her voice was quavering, the obvious pregnancy emotions beginning to set in for her, Barney knew that he must at least attempt to comfort her.

"Hey now," he said softly, placing a gentle hand on her back. "Don't be upset, we'll make it through this, I promise you."

Robin, who was now crying a little, removed her face from her hands. "Will we?"

Barney licked his lips. "Well...I mean, I at least think so."

She let out a sigh and rested her face back in her hands again, massaging her temples.

"No, don't be upset, we're gonna totally make it through this!" Barney's desperate attempt at persuasion didn't sound nearly as convincing as he wished it did. "Honestly, we'll live. And if not, then we'll at least make the most awesome zombies ever, right, guys?"

Smiling overenthusiastically, he turned to the others, all of whom looked equally displeased.

"Barney, you're not helping," Tracy told him flatly

"Oh, like you could do better," he retorted.

"Look, what he's trying to say in his own...weird way is that, even if the zombies do come, we'll be able to fight them off," Tracy told Robin. "Which is entirely believable."

Just then, a loud thumping sound came from above, as if someone- or something- were trying desperately to break in. The noise sent a prickle of fear through everyone in the room, and Lily readied her hatchet, expecting the worst.

To their surprise, however, it was not a zombie. It was James, who fell from the door above with a loud crack, then followed by Cindy, who landed directly on top of him. They stood up, brushing themselves off.

"It's a battleground out there," Cindy breathed out exhaustedly.

* * *

Cindy and James had, earlier in the day, journeyed above ground to determine the current conditions, only to discover that very little areas were safe. Knowing well that, inevitably, the creatures would invade their very own shelter, they sought out other options elsewhere, but were not long after attacked by a horde of the zombies, all of whom seemed a great deal larger, stronger, and more grotesque looking than the rest. The scuffle, which occurred directly above the shelter, fortunately ended quickly, and the pair made a lucky escape by tumbling through the door.

The two had informed the others of just how dangerous things were getting, telling them that the shelter simply was not safe anymore against the new, stronger breed of zombies that seemed to be infiltrating the city. In conclusion, they would have no choice but to evacuate, a decision that seemed pointless when considering that there didn't seem to be many relatively safe areas anywhere. But they wanted to survive. Of course that was the main priority, just as it always had been. And come morning, they would have to say goodbye to the place they had so long called home.

That night proved sleepless for nearly everyone, as could be expected. Barney and Robin, Marshall and Lily, and Ted and Tracy all slept in close proximity to each other should anything dangerous happen during the night, but each little sound, each scratch, drip, tick, or thud was enough to cause them to bristle.

By sunrise, no one had gotten any more than five hours of sleep.

* * *

The gang all stood outside of Barney's shelter, bathed in the orange, hazy early morning light of the recently risen sun. He locked the door of the place.

"Farewell, my sweet haven," he said before starting to choke up. "You will be missed!" He gently tucked the key into his jacket pocket as he and the others set off, not daring to look back in fear of what was going to happen to his beloved shelter.

Dagger followed loyally behind his master, heeling at his legs as he walked.

The blood orange sun peaked over the horizon, slathering the city in an eerily beautiful shade as the group headed further into the underbelly of it all. Where fate would take them, no one knew, but one thing was for certain: It wasn't going to be pleasant for anyone.


	3. New Breed of Danger

The group walked for what felt like days. Perhaps it was days- who even knew anymore? In any case, Barney was deeply upset at the sudden, forceful evacuation that had occurred, and the more he thought about it, the less necessary he realized it was. But James had decided on that- he had made the prior choice- and Barney had, since childhood, been under the impression that James always knew what was right, so he didn't question it this time. He simply complied and followed along.

It had been about day two of their journey back out into the streets that they discovered just what exactly had changed with the zombies. Unfortunately, Ted was the one left to experience it firsthand…

Wandering through the deepest bowels of the city was, unexpectedly, dangerous. Gigantic crumbling towers loomed overhead, like enormous shadowy giants, and overturned cars still littered the streets. Oddly, stray cats were abundant, and the vast majority of the animals were doing strangely well.

"They're cats," Marshall had said. "If there's an animal that's made a deal with the devil, it's them." No one could argue with that logic.

This area of the city, however, was particularly unsettling.

"Guys, stay together," Tracy ordered the others, somewhat languidly but with a fair amount of sternness in her voice. "Remember- the closer we stay, the less chance of us getting killed."

"As if," Barney remarked under his breath.

"You know, maybe we've finally gotten to that safe point," Ted stated out of nowhere. Barney turned around, and Ted restated himself. "Yeah, I mean the zombies can't be everywhere, right? Look around us- they're not anywhere near us, are they? I'd hate to say I told you so, but I _think_ we beat them."

As he spoke, something crouched above him on a nearby rooftop. And then it lunged. The thing dove headfirst with a loud screech, intending to launch itself onto a victims' helpless body, but fortunately Cindy, who was, as always, prepared, fired her gun and whatever it was was dead before it landed- on top of Ted, knocking him to the ground.

Barney had his hands over his mouth in shock, and Tracy quickly escorted Ted up, using James' help to remove the creature from his body.

Ted was panting uncontrollably, unable to catch his breath after the sudden and unforeseen attack.

"You okay there, buddy?" James asked him.

"What the hell was that?" Ted exclaimed, a hand over his heart.

"Asks the guy who says we beat them," Barney quipped, earning an agreeing nod from Robin,

Lily gave the creature a good, long look, and gently nudged it with the tip of her boot, eliciting a leak of blood.

"Eww," she said in disgust. She brushed the hair out of her eyes. "Guys, um...this isn't one of the regular zombies."

"Then what is it?" Robin questioned.

"We'll call it a screecher," Cindy told them. "Ran into one of these guys last night myself."

"Great," Marshall remarked. "Just great. A zombie that flies. As if- AS IF- I wasn't already fearing for my life."

"Marshall, you know how to shoot, you'll live," Lily said dismissively.

"Yeah, shoot, sure, not kill something flying at me at five hundred million miles an hour!" Marshall exaggerated. Lily rolled her eyes.

"And they don't fly," Cindy corrected. "They leap."

There was a long, awkward pause of silence.

"So...we're all gonna die?" Barney assumed. "Cuz I mean if that's what we're up against, then we should probably get started on our eulogies. Oh, for mine, make sure to write "Barney Stinson- an awesome friend, innovator, life coach-"

"Barney," Robin cut in.

"Hmm?"

"Zip it."

"Well..." Cindy paused. "I mean, 'die' seems like kind of a strong word."

"Basically then, we may live?" Lily guessed.

"That's- yeah, actually."

Robin punched James on the arm with an enormous amount of force.

"Ow! Robin!" he whined.

"That's for forcing us to evacuate when we didn't need to!" she hissed at him. "James, we were fine back there for six months, what kind of faulty logic made you believe that things were suddenly different?"

"Hey, Lily almost got killed there," James retorted defensively. "I couldn't risk that! I mean if Lily died under my watch, then you know that her zombie would kill me first."

"Oh you know it, baby," Lily agreed sassily.

Ted, meanwhile, was still shaken from the screecher's attempted attack.

"Hey, I almost got killed just five minutes ago, and I don't see anyone fussing over what would happen to my zombie form!" he interjected.

"He actually does have a point," Marshall added.

"Guys, let's just quit the arguing, okay?" Tracy spoke up. "Yes, James made us all evacuate, yes that's a bad thing, but we're going to be okay. Trust me. Okay?"

The tensions between them eased a little bit. That was the effect that Tracy had on the group. Ted realized that, especially at this time, he could not have chosen a better girlfriend.

"So, with that being said, we're gonna show we can make it out here," she continued. "And I think everyone's a little hungry, which I'm going to assume is what's causing all of the anger. Ted and I are going to search for some food that's not rotted beyond all belief, and Barney and Robin, Marshall and Lily, you all can help. James, Cindy, take Dagger with you and please try to find a place to set up camp that's as far from those demons as possible. Got it?"

"Crystal- wait for it- clear," Barney answered eagerly. He grabbed Robin's hand. "The saga of Barnblazer and Machete Scherbatsky continues!" he declared triumphantly as he headed off with her. And she herself could not help but to smile a little. The struggle of pregnancy was truly peaking now, wearing on her with every step she took. But she was with Barney- and though she doubted his ability to protect her exceptionally well, she did not doubt the fact that he really did care. For now, that was good enough- even at eight months pregnant, Robin Scherbatsky could protect herself better than anyone.

* * *

At mid-afternoon, the sun was at its highest point in the sky, but the temperature paid no heed to that and was just as bitterly cold as it had been that morning.

Crows cawed overhead, landing swiftly atop the frayed telephone wires that, every few seconds, would spark a random jolt of electricity. Some birds had been smart to acknowledge this, but others perched there anyway, and were soon fried to death by the sudden burst. One fell from above just as Barney walked by, and he screamed girlishly, grabbing onto Robin before realizing what it was.

"What? I thought it was a screecher," he defended himself, brushing off his shirt.

"You know, that could be our food right there," Robin commented, cocking her gun.

Barney stared at her, one eyebrow lifted, as if she were crazy.

"Dude, it's not that weird," she said. "My dad habitually fed me ptarmigan and claimed it was chicken, and I literally never noticed until he slipped up one day and said 'chicken ptarmigan' instead of 'chicken parmesan."

"Right, Barney responded. "I forgot that wild birds are the Canadian equivalent to normal poultry. Like, what else do you guys eat? Let me guess, Canada goose?"

"Hey, Canada goose is delicious."

"Says the Canadian."

"Shut up."

"Canadian says what?"

"What?"

"Haha, gotcha!" Barney was grinning so widely at his own joke, that devilishly mischievous look of his spreading noticeably across his face as he realized he had truly gotten Robin there.

In response, she punched him on the shoulder. "We can fight too," she said smugly.

"Right, probably from the years of vigorous grizzly bear battle training you guys undergo," Barney remarked, and Robin raised her arm to smack him again, to which he responded to by quickly covering his face and pleading, "Aah, don't hit me again!"

Suddenly, a loud crackling sound from not far away interrupted their playful banter. Robin gently pushed Barney off of her and raised her gun. Then it happened again. And it came to her attention that, just feet away, there was a clearing where perhaps a small building once stood, now covered by two small fallen trees with trunks crisscrossed. In between those trees, however, was a hole in the ground, just large enough to someone as big as Barney to squeeze through- or her, in a time when her belly was not as big around as a watermelon.

Barney opened his mouth to say something, but she stopped him. This was almost certainly a trap of some sort. But Barney, in his naturally curious way, was in awe.

"Wow," he gasped. "I'm totally gonna go check that out!" Before Robin could stop him, he sped off to investigate.

"Barney!" she called after him.

He was standing over the hole, looking down into it. "So do you think-"

And then, as expected, the ground collapsed below his feet.


	4. Meet the Parents

He didn't fall too far, but when he landed, it was on his stomach, and on what felt like cold, hard pavement.

Robin was peering down at him through the hole in an instant.

"Barney, what did I tell you about investigating random holes?" she yelled down at him.

"Oh no worries, this isn't the first random hole I've investigated!" he shouted back at her. "Self five!" The slapping sound of his high five reverberated from below, and Robin's only response was to roll her eyes.

"Barney, that's not even funny."

"Yes it is!" A few seconds later, he added, "Also, there's a door down here, I'm gonna go check it out!"

"Do not check anything else out! Don't!"

"Too late!"

His voice trailed off as he headed further into what seemed to be an underground chasm of some sort. At this point, Robin had no choice but to find a way to follow after him.

Annoyedly, she stepped around the hole and parted the trees by pushing them aside, clearing a way for just what she had expected- a staircase, leading down into the cellar that Barney had disappeared into.

Removing the pack of matches from her pocket, she sparked one, generating just enough dull light to illuminate the path of blackness ahead of her.

"Barney?"she called, her voice echoing. With a soft humming sound, a line of lights that were previously concealed by the darkness lit up on the walls in the tunnel.

This was not unfound territory. No unfound territory would have working electricity of any sort.

She continued walking to where her path split in two, and she ventured down the brighter lit side. It was then that Barney, in his typical way, leapt from behind her, greeting her with a casual, "Hello, Robin," and of course eliciting a scream from her.

"Haha, gotcha again!" he taunted.

"Barney, for the love of God, I'm pregnant you idiot!" she yelled at him. Life during the zombie apocalypse as an eight months pregnant woman was stressful enough, and the last thing Robin needed was her husband, who never knew just when to stop.

"Chill, you'll be fine," he told her. "I won't do that again. Although...your reaction there was priceless, let's face it."

Robin was ready to leave and frustrated by Barney's lack of caring.

"Look, I have no idea what this place is, but we need to get back above ground," she told him. "We're seeking out food, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, right, that," he said. "Eh, we can do that anytime, first I wanna take you around this place!" He gestured excitedly to her, and slowly and reluctantly paced after him.

It had not been long after wandering that a sharp, salty odor caught his attention. It was not by any means a bad smell- no, it was a delicious one that caused his mouth to water, grabbing him away from whatever he had previously been doing.

He inhaled deeply. "You smell that?"

Robin sniffed the air. "Yeah, I do," she breathed out dreamily. "That's food. Barney, there's food down here!"

"We gotta find it, come on!"

The two followed the direction of the scent until it led them to another room entirely- a room that appeared to be a dining hall and for this time, a surprisingly well decorated, clean, and ornate one at that.

The walls were painted a lovely auburn, and in the center, a long table was placed, draped with a matching colored tablecoth and decorated from end to end with silverware. But that was just the least of it.

Atop the table was a wide array of hors de'ouvres, appetizing side dishes, and visually pleasing treats, such as candied fruits, hummus and crackers, and in the center, a wicker basket filled to the top with fancifully wrapped chocolates.

"Food!" Barney exclaimed. He was only seconds away from rushing over to dig into the scrumptious eats when Robin grabbed the collar of his shirt, wheeling him back around.

"What are you doing?" she asked him. "Are you crazy? I know it may look like heaven on a plate over there, but you know the drill- it's a trap, like everything else. Good rule of thumb, if you trust it, it's either poisoned or will kill you some other way."

Barney rolled his eyes impudently in response. "Robin, have you forgotten our quest? We're looking for food, remember? This is a literal gold mine of food! If you don't let me grab some o' those tasties and hitch 'em back to the gang, then you'll be failing our mission. Big time."

Robin had her arms crossed, resting them atop her belly. "I don't know, I just really don't trust it. I mean, you could die."

Barney's stomach gurgled loudly just then, as if his body was protesting against everything Robin was saying. "Yeah, I'll probably die of hunger before it's all over," he remarked. After a few minutes of silence, he spoke up again. "You know what? I don't need your advice. I'm trying this stuff out." He marched forward to the table and selected a hummus dip, then stared Robin straight in the eye indignantly before plunging a finger into it and licking it off.

Robin watched him, expecting the worst. But nothing happened to Barney. He continued eating, shovelling crackers into his mouth and chewing rapaciously, glancing back at her every few minutes and simply shrugging. He wiped off his mouth with a cloth napkin provided and nodded his head once, a prideful smile on his face.

"Three words for you, Robin," he said. "I. Told. You. So."

"That's four."

Before either of them could say anything else, a blaring alarm sounded, flashing bright red lights with it.

"Barney, what did you do?" Robin yelled at him.

"Nothing!" he answered fearfully. "I'm scared, Robin, hide me!"

He hid behind her just as a crowd of people showed up, surrounding the two, their guns cocked and aimed at Barney and Robin, a loud voice suddenly commanding "HANDS IN THE AIR!"

Barney, shaking, feverishly obeyed.

"I told you nothing good would come out of this!" Robin whispered to him.

"Shut up, at least I got to eat!" Barney retorted.

It was at that moment that, to their surprise, one of the fellow survivors said the very last thing that either of them expected to hear.

"...Barney?"

Barney looked to see who had called his name. And upon seeing who it was, he was almost 100% positive that the man standing in front of him was his very own father- but how?"

"Dad?" he asked.

"Barney, oh I've missed you!" He dropped his gun and hurried to hug his son, embracing Barney in a tight, loving squeeze.

Barney's mind was swirling with confusion, but he focused only on the fact that he had been reunited with his father at all.  
"I didn't know you were alive!" he exclaimed, smiling hugely. "I mean, um, I'm glad to see you!"

At that moment, the shorter, dark-haired woman with the distinct British accent burst forward towards Robin.

"Robin, my dear, you're alive too! And really-"

"Fat, I know, Mom," Robin interrupted her. "I'm, uh, I'm pregnant. And I never thought I'd be breaking the news to you this way."

"Oh, you are? How far along?"

"Eight and a half months."

"Well, congratulations! What's my grandson or daughter's name?"

Robin and Barney exchanged glances.

"Well, uh, we're thinking of the name 'Apocalypse?'" Barney told her.

Robin elbowed him in the stomach. "We're not thinking of the name 'Apocalypse.'"

"It's all gender-dependent," Barney said. "We'll see."

Robin only rolled her eyes. "Well, anyway, it's great to see you, Mom. And Jerome. And- wow, Loretta, you're here too, what a surprise."

"Of course I am, Robin, I'm as much of a survivor as you are, dear," Loretta responded, the slightest hint of derisiveness in her voice. "When those zombies came up, I never saw it coming, but it only took a little practice on my part to be able to knock them down like bowling pins and shoot them up to a bloody pulp. Now it's really just second nature at this point."

Barney nodded understandingly. "Same here, Mom."

"Well, now that we've all reunited," Genevieve Scherbatsky spoke up. "I think it would only be proper of me to feed you two; you look like you haven't eaten in years, especially you, Barney!"

Barney cocked his head. "Uh, thanks? Not sure whether I should be flattered or insulted."

"Come now," Genevieve said as she ushered them to the table and seated them. "We've got dinner cooking up, and I think you two could really use a good meal."

"You bet," Barney remarked as he peeled the saran wrap off of his plastic fork with his teeth. As a sudden realization struck his mind, he dropped the fork.

"Wait a second! Ted, Tracy, Marshall, and Lily all wanted us to get food, didn't they?"

"Oh crap, you're right!" Robin replied. "Well I guess it's too late for that now."

"Unless we can get them here somehow!" Barney said deviously, turning to Robin with one eyebrow raised."Wait! We could project a giant B in the sky for them to see! Like Batman, but 83% awesomer!"

Robin, though smiling, shook her head. "I don't- I don't think we could actually do that."

Barney scoffed. "Psh, why _couldn't _we do that?"

"Barney, why don't we make a bonfire above ground?" Jerome cut in suddenly, interrupting his son's typical far-fetched fantasies. "Maybe if your friends saw the smoke, then they could find us, right?"

Barney looked disappointed and let out a sigh to express that. "Alright, I guess I could settle for a bonfire. But before we do, are you sure-"

"We can't project, Barney," Jerome told him very matter-of-factly, adding to Barney's disappointment.

Barney frustratedly banged his fist on the table before he and his father headed off.

While Barney was gone, Robin seized her opportunity to wander a bit, touring this odd underground shelter that was strangely inhibited by her and Barney's parents until she had wandered down one corridor into what appeared to be the kitchen.

She was lured to the room by the promising scent of something truly delicious cooking there, and was fortunately not disappointed. Her face lit with a joyful, excited smile as she watched Loretta halt the turning of the spit roasting what appeared to be ham. And not the artificial canned stuff- real, authentic, fresh meat that had somehow been gloriously and miraculously preserved, if the sight was not just delusion.

"So let's just be clear here," she said to Loretta. "Is that...actual ham?"

"Actually, yes, it is," Loretta answered.

"One word- how?"

"Well, it's a long story, but uh, your mom and I discovered this place a little while back, and no one seemed to be living here, so we made it our own."

Robin had so many questions concerning that sentence, but assumed that there weren't going to be many answers.

"Right," she said. "But I was talking about the food."

"Oh, well, as soon as we moved in, we found a ton of food that was still in good condition. Quickly we got together some ice, kept it fresh, and here it is! You really doubt me far too much, Robin."

"Hey, as long as food's in the equation, I will doubt no one," Robin responded.

It was then that Virginia, Ted's mother, wandered into the room. Immediately, she recognized Robin.

"Robin, I remember you!" she greeted her cheerfully. "Wow you've gotten fat since you and Ted dated!"

"Yes, that's because I'm pregnant," Robin answered, her patience for answering that statement quickly beginning to boil down. _If one more person asks me about my weight, heads will roll_, she thought.

Virginia's attention soon shifted to Loretta, who was still in the process of preparing their meal.

"How's the food coming along?" she asked her.

"Well enough," Loretta answered. "Perhaps faster if Robin would leave the kitchen, no offense."

Robin, using every ounce of patience remaining inside of her, calmly said, "I will leave the kitchen. Now. I'm going." She headed off, adding under her breath "offense taken."


	5. Awkward Family Dinner

Jerome's smoke trick had indeed worked, and Ted, Tracy, Marshall, and Lily had found themselves where they needed to be, because, after their initial separation, they had reunited anyway.

Regardless, it was a great relief for them to have eked out a new shelter, and seeing each of their parents running the place was also a pleasant surprise- albeit one that raised a ton of questions, but still pleasant nonetheless.

Genevieve courteously greeted them and sat each of them at the table, and the dinner began.

It had been so long since any of them had seen so much food in one place that no one knew how to react.

A large, glazed and smoked ham sat in the center of the table, flanked by plates of warm buttered rolls, and on one side, colorful salads of fresh fruit bedazzled the table, lined with small bowls of hummus and crackers. Laid out for dessert were Apple streusel pies, chocolate layered cookies, and clear dishes of gummy bears.

Barney nervously licked his lips in anticipation of eating. "So...can we just start, or do we have to say some prayer or something?"

"Hey, it's the zombie apocalypse, you can go ahead!" Genevieve replied warmly.

Barney quickly grabbed a roll from the center of the table and piled on his plate whatever else would fit. Mouth full, a few seconds later, he commented, "Man I wonder what James would think of this!"

"You left James behind?" Loretta asked.

Barney dabbed off his mouth with a napkin.

"Well, I mean, I didn't leave him behind per se, he's just, y'know, not with us."

"So then he's dead?!" Judy, Marshall's mother, interjected.

"No, he's not dead!"

Robin slammed her silverware down. "Hey, um, why don't we talk about something different for now. I'll start us off- how are you all?"

"Well, we're alive," Mickey Aldrin spoke up as he impaled a chunk of meat with his fork. "This whole zombie thing's really taking a lot out of me though. It's all run-run-run, try not to die, pretend-like-you didn't-shoot-that-guy-you-just-mistook-for-one- of-them lately. It's hard out there."

"Wait a minute, you shot a guy?" Lily asked.

Mickey didn't answer. "But on the plus side, guess who's got a new board game in the works!" He bent down, then produced a box decorated with angry cartoon zombies and lots of colorful guts and gore.

"Zombie Apocalypse," he introduced it. "The game where your life is up for grabs! Will you make it? Or will you get your brains shredded to bloody bits by angry undead creatures? Play it now and find out!"

"Oh God," Lily muttered under her breath.

"I take it Clint's not doin' too well with this whole gig either," Ted assumed, to which Clint responded, "Doing well?! Ted, no one is doing well! Do you know how much this- this whole deal has screwed up my lifestyle? Seriously, I try to meditate, in a place where they should never be able to find me, and you know what? They find me. I was up behind a dumpster!"

"That would explain the smell," Barney remarked, stifling a choke.

"So," Loretta interjected, "by some miracle, Robin's pregnant now, huh?"

Robin nodded as she sipped her water, desperately wishing it was wine.

"How did that happen?" Loretta pressed on, Ted remarking "Oh no" as he knew how upped the awkward ante would become within seconds.

"I mean, I've heard from Barney that you two have been 'at it' constantly, if you catch my drift," she continued. "It all finally broke the walls, so to speak, didn't it?"

Robin placed her hands over her face. "Yes, the 'walls were broken,'" she agreed. "Somehow, your son finally got me pregnant."

"Barney, thoughts?" Loretta asked.

Between mouthfuls of food, he answered, "Hey, long as she's happy, I'm happy. And I am happy, I mean, sure she's got the weight packed on, but have you seen the upstairs neighbors? I-" Before he could say anything else, Robin smacked him hard enough to cause him to choke on the food he was eating.

"Let's just say it's not the worst thing, okay?"

The dinner progressed at a rapidly awkward rate until, to each of their reliefs, it was over. They were led by their parents respectively to their new rooms, where they would turn in for the night after such a long and crazy day.

Robin sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling the weight of her over-eight-months pregnant belly and realizing just how terrible a time it was now for her to be that way,

"You okay?" Barney asked as he took off his suit jacket and hung it on the coathanger by the door.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Robin answered breathily. "Just...one question though."

Barney sat down next to her. "What?"

"WHAT THE CRAP WAS THAT?" Robin screamed at him. "Seriously, the whole deal with your mom roasting me to no end, her weird, creepy, strangely sexual comments- why didn't you stop it?"

"Uh, because that's my mom, who I haven't seen in over a year?" Barney responded. "I mean, come on, Robin. She's my mom- she's entitled to know what's been going on just as much as she's entitled to know every nitty gritty yet oddly satisfying detail of what's been going on."

Robin rolled her eyes. "Dude, she said, and I quote, 'we've been at it constantly if you know what I mean.' You don't think that maybe that's a super weird, more than slightly creepy thing for a mom to say in front of her son and his wife?"

Barney considered it. "Nah, not really."

Robin released another frustrated sigh. "Barney, I don't know how I'm gonna deal with this. I can't have your mom constantly harping on us, badgering us, annoying us to no end- I can't do it."

"Hey now," Barney said calmly, reassuringly placing a hand on Robin's shoulder to comfort her. "She'll lay off eventually! All parents act like that, Robin, it's totally normal."

Just then, there was a knock on their door. It was Judy. "Barney, I think I left some lace panties in here!" she called. "Do you see any?"

Barney searched the room until his eyes fell upon a black lace pair of underwear laying on the floor, which he amusedly picked up.

He opened the door. "Here you go," he said as Judy gratefully took them from him.

"Thanks, dear!" she said. "You are a blessing!"

Barney shut the door, smiling at Robin. "Parents, am I right?"

"Totally normal," Robin echoed dryly.


	6. All Hell Breaks Loose

Thin reeds of sunlight beamed in from the small cracks and holes in the ceiling above Robin and Barney as they slept. The bedsheets were crumpled up around them, Barney laying behind Robin as the big spoon, his arms wrapped around her, face buried in her hair. Robin snored like a tractor, her mouth open, Barney's hand over her belly.

Unbeknownst to the two, Dagger had leaped up onto the bed and was now licking Robin's face affectionately, making little slurping sounds as his pink tongue lapped over her soft lips.

She smiled, murmuring in her sleep, "oh, Barney, mmm, that feels good." She stroked Dagger's fur, mentally misreading the soft feeling of it as Barney's own silky hair. "Your hair is so soft..."

He responded somehow, hearing her voice through his subconscious, with "oh, yeah, that does feel good..."

In his sleep, he pushed himself up tighter to her, bumping his hips into her lower back, receptive to something that wasn't occurring anywhere but in he and Robin's own dreams.

He even went so far as to reach his hand up her shirt, feeling around for the clasp of her bra, before an earth shattering crash interrupted their sleep-fantasy, setting Dagger off and causing him to bark aggressively, then jump straight over Barney's side as he bounded off the bed, instantly awakening both he and Robin.

"WHERE'S THE BABY?" Barney exclaimed instantly as he shot awake, which in turn did the same to Robin.

She slowly opened her eyes, coming to, scratching her head. "Dude, what the-?"

A shout from down the hallway said it all. "BREAKFAST IS READY! THEODORE EVELYN MOSBY, I THOUGHT YOU GREW OUT OF SLEEPING SO LATE!"

Barney and Robin turned to each other, looks of both disgust and secondhand embarrassment for Ted on their faces. Robin smirked.

"Ready to go have breakfast with Mama Mosby?" she teased.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Barney muttered.

* * *

Breakfast that morning was just as awkward, if not more so, than the previous night's dinner. There was a toaster fire, the spilling of orange juice, endless roasting once again, including criticism of Tracy, whom Ted had then just introduced to his mother, and to top it all off, Dagger leaped onto the table and snatched Ted's blueberry muffin straight from under his nose. The event concluded with its climax, that which took the cake as Robin simply stormed out, leaving the shelter and prompting Barney to take after her.

* * *

On the far side of town, James and Cindy had no idea where they had ended up or where the others had gone. They'd altogether missed the smoke signal, and had wandered so far away that they wondered if they were at the very edge of the city by now. Nothing looked familiar, and all of the crumbling ramshackle buildings simply blended together, forming a drab scene around them.

"They're dead," James stated, lowering his gun. "There's no other way to say it. I hope that Barney's gotten to that big Bro Palace in the sky, as he always called it."

"They're not dead, you downer," Cindy quipped. "We've just gotten really, really separated from them. But you're good with a compass, so with any luck, you should be able to help us retrace our steps, right?"

"If I had a compass, sure," James responded. "Thing is, I don't. I lost it in that fight with that two-headed monster back there."

Cindy looked down disappointedly, kicking the dirt with her grimy boot. "Then I guess we'd better accept the fact that we really are lost."

James nodded. "Guess so."

Considering it was mid-afternoon, they saw no use in setting up camp for the night just yet, so they kept walking, hoping that they could somehow locate the others. So far, there didn't seem to be a survivor- at least not a human one- for miles. However, they did encounter an array of odd wildlife as they wandered, and a vast majority of them were far from cute and friendly.

Large packs of undead dogs roamed freely, sniffing for fresh prey with their shredded up black noses, like companions to their once-human counterparts. They snarled at any noise, further exposing already exposed pearly fangs, which glinted ominously. When a pack of about four had attacked, Cindy and James had been forced to shoot them, and they weren't the only deadly creatures either.

Horrible rodent-like animals scuttled and scurried about, and once Cindy had shot one, she realized that it was some sort of insect/mammal hybrid, a crime against nature as she had described it, something that was never meant to be by God or the universe itself, an abomination signifying true end times. They were nasty beasts, about the size of cats, with hard shells on their backs and lots of little legs, like cockroaches, but had furry brown underbellies and the pointed, whiskered faces of a rodentia species, rats, perhaps mice. At any rate, they were highly hostile.

The two pressed on, however, as the survivors that they were, and didn't stop until they stumbled into a scene straight from the realm of a nightmare.

* * *

"Robin, come on!" Barney pleaded as he walked up the stairs, gripping the rusty railing. "My mom didn't mean it! I know she didn't, but you know how she is, you shoulda known what to expect back there!"

"Barney, I can't live with that anymore, plain and simple!" Robin snapped at him. "There is no way that I can live with a woman who criticizes ever one thing I do, and her buddies, who, guess what? ALSO criticize everything I do! I'm done with this, Barney. I- I can't go back down there." She wiped her eye with the back of her sleeve, while Barney looked at her with genuine concern darkening in his own.

"But we have no other choice; I know that they're hard to live with, but they're the only option we've got! What do you suggest then? I mean, they're our parents, we can't just leave em behind and expect them to fend for themselves, even though, come to think of it, they've been doing a pretty good job of that so far. Still though...doesn't your mom say anything?"

"My mom thinks that zombies can be trained to be pets, so she's not exactly the person you want life advice from," Robin responded, running her fingers through her hair.

Barney licked his lips. "Right, I guess that is kind of a problem." He tucked both hands into his pockets and thought for several minutes.

As he did so, Lily emerged from the bushes behind them, having just walked up the stairs and come out through the secret entrance.

"Okay, my dad is officially insane," she told them.

And one look at Lily, who was covered in splashes of blood, her hair soaked with it, guts and gore splattered all over her, and Barney and Robin didn't even have to ask.

They could have talked things through civilly, as calm, mature adults with their parents. That seemed to be the good option, so late that night, they did. Or rather, they attempted to.

The intervention banner was strung up once again in the center room, and the gang, including Tracy, were sat around, while each took turns expressing their problems.

"Robin, dear, I apologize if I've been a little harsh on you," Loretta told her. "Can we call a truce?"

Robin had her arms crossed, resting over her pregnant belly. "If you retract what you said about my hair, career choice, clothing style, and personal ability to parent, then yeah, I don't see a problem."

Loretta leaned forward, her face shadowed by the candlelight, one side illuminated. "I'm sorry about what I've said. You know, life is tough lately, and some of us are just trying to survive out here, but I do truly mean it when I say I'm sorry. Truce?"

Barney glanced expectantly at Robin.

"Fine," she agreed, and Loretta got up and hugged her before she could say anything else.

"Now, Marshall," Ted said as he pointed with his newfound sword, which his mother had found in the rubble where his old apartment once stood. "Discuss your grievances. Put forward your complaints. Let your emotions run free."

Marshall pressed his fingers together. "Mom," he finally choked out. Judy and Mickey were sitting together, holding hands at that moment. "I love you. And I'm glad that you've found love after Dad passed away. And I'm glad that said love lets you shoot first every time you see a zombie, and also lets you remove its head to use as a trophy, even though that really is super weird considering they were once people, but I digress. What I'm trying to say here is that I'm proud for you."

Judy was smiling, and placed one hand over her heart endearingly.

"HOWEVER," Marshall continued. "You and Mickey are really annoying lately. And quite frankly, your relationship is making Lily and I wildly uncomfortable, especially when we try to consummate our love and can only hear the sound of you two..." He gagged a little. "...Consumnating your own love next door."

Even Barney cringed at that.

"Aw, Marshall, that's a perfectly natural thing," Judy told him reassuringly. "Everyone gets ashamed of their parents from time to time, and I don't take offense to it at all."

"But your mom is really spicy, if you catch my drift," Mickey suddenly interjected. "It's been so long since I've gotten to be in the presence of a real woman like that..."

"Oh God," Lily choked.

"All those years of fantasizing, and here we are. The real deal, so much better than what you think about when you have nothing but your own body and lots of time on your hands. She's hotter than any playboy model I've ever seen."

Barney nearly spit out the scotch he had just taken a sip of.

Ted, meanwhile, had ashamedly hidden his face behind Tracy, who had her hand over her own. Even Dagger had covered his face with his paw.

But Barney was ironically, at the time, ogling Virginia from across the room, in a way that unsettled Ted just as much as Mickey had.

"And Barney, you're not getting away so easily either!" His voice cut in, distracting Barney.

"Wha?"

"Don't act like you don't know! I've seen you making googly eyes at my mom ever since you got here!"

"Hey, it's not my fault your mom is hot!" Barney retorted. "I mean, Robin's the only one for me, but hypothetically, if she wasn't in this whole equation, your mom and I would be one in...more ways than one!"

The intervention only soared to flames from there.

* * *

The sun had set so many hours ago, yet James and Cindy hadn't even begun to settle down for the night.

"I really do wonder what the B-Man's up to," James said, a hint of longing in his voice for his brother.

"And Tracy," Cindy added. "I know she's a survivor, but I'm sure she's really missing my pointers."  
Cindy swung her bayonet as she walked, looking down at the ground.

From not far in the distance, that familiar, guttural growling sound could be heard, but this time, it sounded different somehow.

Cindy stopped in her tracks and listened to the eerie sounds of the night, awake with all sorts of demonic beasts.

Horde.

There was a horde of zombies somewhere close, and there was no way she could discover just what type they were.

James gulped. "Uh...Cindy..."

His voice drew her attention away from the noises alone, and she looked up, discovering that they were just feet away from a chain wire fence that was likely several feet high. A large sign on the fence read **"DANGER: ZOMBIES"** in huge, bolded print, and as she tentatively drew closer, she realized that behind that hellish fence was a mob of the evil beings, all snarling, clawing, and trying to break free.

James ducked behind her, afraid by now- after all, he was a Stinson, and their bravery could only prove as a mask for so long. But Cindy had a sort of fatal intrigue of the sight. It was all so mysterious, really- where had this...containment unit come from? Had it always been here? Questions flooded her mind, and for several seconds, she was only stuck staring at it, as if frozen there, entranced by something she shouldn't have been.

There was a sudden loud buzzing sound, like static interference, which crackled over...loudspeakers? Then, a voice. The voice of a woman, a high one, echoing through the night, drowning out the gurgly growls of the zombies.

"So!" she declared, the abruptness causing Cindy to startle. "You two were stupid enough to walk straight into my trap, huh? Ha! Well, we'll see how long you last once I get you back to my place, suckers!"

There was an ominous creaking sound from above, and before either of them could move a muscle, a rather large object fell forward, one that would have been just light enough to knock them unconscious for the moment, but James fortunately dodged it just in time. Cindy, however, was not so lucky.


	7. Before the Dawn

**NOTICE: This chapter does have a brief scene of smut. It is relatively un-graphic and very short, but it is in there.**

The gang had a clear plan in mind now. It had taken them practically all night to formulate it and conclude together, but they had, and their goal was now set. They would leave their parents' camp come the following morning, or, if they felt particularly lazy, due to perhaps staying up so late, the following night. Barney and Robin had set the steps of the whole thing, planning every little detail out as they did so well, and once everyone else had agreed on it, the deal was sealed. Now was the fun part- setting it into motion.

* * *

Few had dared to go above ground if they didn't need to, but Ted took this exception around 5 AM that night. Clint and Virginia had been having 'sandwiches'- MANY sandwiches- and Ted wasn't taking well to their loud chatter and all of the smoke billowing in from next door. So, he took matters into his own hands, grabbed a pillow and blanket, and headed above ground.

He didn't just head above ground, however, he walked a bit, just around the corner really, until he reached his favorite place in the city at all- the GNB Tower, still in amazing condition, barely crumbling at all, like a relic that had withstood the test of time.

Climbing up to the top of it, he located his chaise lounge, soaked thoroughly with rainwater and smelling more than slightly of mildew, and draped his blanket over it. But he didn't lay down instantly. He was awake now, maybe a little too much, and he figured that he hadn't seen a sunrise in forever, so he may as well seize the opportunity while he could.

So, he sat there for a while, blanket over his shoulders, gazing over the blackened skyline that would have once been aglow with the lights of New York's once-bustling nightlife, and a sense of reminiscence came over him suddenly, a sense of longing for how life used to be.

An abrupt creak from behind him caused him to scream like a girl, but when he looked closer, he saw that it was only Tracy.

"Back here again, huh?" she asked as she walked slowly over to him.

"Oh, yeah, my mom and Clint were having some sort of weird sandwich party," Ted replied. He scooted over on the chair, patting it invitingly for his lover to sit down next to him. "Couldn't sleep?"

She shook her head. "Nah. I think…maybe Barney and Robin were…uh, you know."

Ted nodded understandingly. "Right. That's how life is with those two."

"Or maybe it was Marshall and Lily. At any rate, I now have some serious psychological scars that are never gonna heal."

She smiled and Ted chuckled. "Yeah, same here," he replied.

She took a seat next to him, and for several minutes, they sat together in silence, gazing up at the night sky, taking in the strange serenity of the moment, until Ted spoke up suddenly.

"So…tomorrow we'll be heading out," he told her. "But…before we do that, there's something I gotta do first."

Tracy watched, awestruck, as Ted pulled a small box from out of his pajama pants, and when he popped it open, a small ring was inside, just as she had expected.

"I never thought I'd be asking this, under this circumstance, but if the opportunity ever does come up, and we're not constantly running for our lives, will you marry me?"

"Yes! Yes, yes, a million times yes!" She grabbed Ted and hugged him ecstatically, practically knocking him over in the process.

"Sshh!" he hushed her, though he was smiling. "Don't draw attention from the zombies!"

"Teddy Boy, you have no idea how much I love you," she told him. She snuggled up to him after he had slid the ring on her finger, resting her head on his chest. The two spent the remainder of that night watching it fade away into morning, as the rosy, orangey red sun slowly rose from the jagged skyline of the city.

* * *

Robin awoke that morning to a tapping on her shoulder.

"Hey. Yo, Scherbatsky. Up and at em. Wake up."

She rolled over and covered her face with a pillow. "Barney, let me sleep," she groaned.

"But I've got something super awesome to show you!" he pleaded.

"Are you naked again?" Robin muttered.

"No, not this time. Just get up, please?"

Robin reluctantly did, but only after several minutes of begging on Barney's behalf. He had helped her get out of bed, taking her hand and assisting her in lifting her heavy weight, and once she finally did, he led her outside, slowly taking the stairs as he held her hand in his.

"Barney, where are we going?" she asked, still sleepy and therefore still slightly irritable.

"It's a surprise! Just wait!" he responded.

They walked a bit farther, right past a spraying and busted pipe, its clear eruption of water reflecting rainbow in the early morning sun, a few ominously painted DO NOT ENTER signs made of splintered wood placed up against a chainwire fence, a pack of zombies feasting on the corpse of a dead dog like vultures, who were far too engaged in their meal to even notice the two, and eventually, they came to their destination. A subway station, its entrance now shrouded by thick tangles of bushes, but which had a clearing in the middle, allowing for entrance. Barney pushed through the shrubbery, leading Robin behind him.

They descended down the stairs, then stopped at the bottom.

"So…what do you think?" he asked.

Robin looked around at her surroundings. They were in an abandoned subway station, which looked as though it had never been touched, but rather that it had somehow been kept in perfect condition- it was as if the underground had preserved it in time. The subway car itself was parked, signifying that it, much like the rest of the place, had been frozen ever since the apocalypse, never to be used again.

It was well-lit inside of the station, unlike the rest of the city, and there was a feeling of damp humidity, accompanied by an earthy, silty scent, yet there was a comfortable air of coolness about it. In a way, it really was strangely beautiful, and granted her a feeling of peace.

"Wow," she breathed out. "You cleared out this whole place just for us, didn't you?"

"Oh, well, no," Barney answered. "I mean, that would be the dream. But truthfully, I found this place while searching for a private spot for us to do it. But THEN, I realized that we haven't had more than one second together for God knows how long, and…I thought I'd fix that. I mean, if it's any consolation, I did have to shoot a few zombies before I made sure it was safe, but they're gone now. Rest assured."

In the corner, resting on the ground, was a small radio, and Barney made his way over to it before turning it on. To Robin's surprise, some muffled music cranked out, then cleared of its static and could be heard almost completely. She was even more shocked once she had noticed what the music was- the Beaver Song. Somehow, by a way that only Barney could possibly manage, he had gotten ahold of it.

He took off his jacket, then smiled at her.

"Wait, how did you-" she started to ask, but he hushed her, placing a finger on her lips.

"Sshh. No time for questions. Scherbatsky…let's dance."

He took her hands in his, and they danced together slowly, moving in perfect synchronicity to the song, their bodies skillfully matching each other's time.

It was a funny thing, really, how they could dance to such a song in that way, treating it as if it were a Mozartian piece, with such preciseness that anyone watching them without hearing the song itself would think so.

And they danced around each other, eyes focused, smiles on their faces, Barney twirling Robin at each use of the word "beaver," until the song finished all too soon and they were left standing still, chest to chest, palm against palm, able to feel each other's hearts beating under the thin fabric of their clothes.

"Barney," Robin said, his gaze fixed on her own. "You know, this morning could be our last."

He tilted his head like a curious puppy dog. "Hmm?"

She traced her fingers along the silky smooth fabric of his tie before taking it and tugging on it, ever so gently. "Hmm what? You know damn well where I'm going with this."

There was a fiery glint in her eyes as she smiled at him, and he knew the game she was playing- and he was certainly ready to play right along.

"You saucy little minx," he growled out. But she was right- later today, tomorrow if they were lucky, they would be back out in the streets, struggling to survive, and with the plethora of horrendous creatures now roaming the area, there was a good chance that they wouldn't even live to see the next night.

He backed her into the wall and kissed her once again, her fully pregnant belly barely even a noticeable factor to him at this point, pinning her there for several minutes before she gently pushed him off of her body, leaving him breathless, and undid the buckle of his pants, ever so quickly and skillfully.

"Are we really about to do it on the floor of a subway station?" he asked playfully.

Robin nodded. "Could be our last day, remember?"

And he wasn't going to argue against that.

Before they knew it, they were on the cold, hard floor of the subway station, not an ideal place for making love, yet they seemed entirely ignorant to it. Barney tentatively lowered his body over hers, his skin warm against her own, before he pushed into her, at first starting slow, tenderly kissing her neck and savoring the moment as he bucked his hips ever so gently, before the sensation of it all charged him with a stronger carnal desire that powered him to increase his speed. His movements became quicker then as he thrust faster, until at last, he came to a finish, just seconds before she did.

They collapsed against each other, sharing their warmth on the coldness of the ground, their breathing slowing gradually.

"If that was the last time," Robin panted. "We nailed it."

"Haha, yeah," Barney agreed. "Yeah we did. The 'it' in question was undoubtedly nailed." He winked at her, and that charming little look on his face, ever so devilish and sexy, was almost pure cause for her to want to go again after a few minutes, had she not been overtaken by a sudden sharp cramp.

She cried out in pain, clenching her stomach. "Ooh, oh my God," she said, wincing from the jab.

"What's wrong?" Barney asked worriedly, sitting straight up.

"Nothing," she replied.

"You sure you're not going into labor?"

She shook her head. "No, I don't think so…"

Barney ran his tongue over his lips. "Cuz…when you do… ya know I have zero experience in delivering a baby, right?"

"Yeah, but Ted said he'd help me," she replied. "Apparently he once delivered a neighbor's baby."

"Ted?" Barney was incredulous at that. "Robin, he once ruined a suit of mine by bleaching it! You can't trust the guy with a suit, and yet you trust him with your baby?"

She stared at him. "Barney, a suit isn't a living thing."

"Yeah, that's what you think! My point still stands."

After getting redressed, he helped her off the ground, but the sudden bolts of pain she was feeling were cause for concern. But she didn't worry, not yet anyway. If her calculations were correct, she shouldn't be due for at least another week. And besides, the only thing she had to focus on now was she and her friends' escape back out into the harsh apocalyptic world around them.


End file.
